Today it was dark. Rainy. Thickly clouded and cool with a light penumbra of humidity. The sun was nowhere to be found for most of the day.
Autumn is approaching. Labor Day weekend (also my birthday weekend) is generally the start of the turning point towards fall, though technically the equinox isn’t until the end of September. Sure, we’ve got another couple of hit and miss weeks, but fall is coming. And I love it. I love the colors, the burnt oranges, rich reds, plush purples, corporeal browns. I love the new, swift breezes, the overcast mornings, and even the rain. Autumn is my spring. It’s full of new beginnings and fresh promises. Maybe it’s because I associate it with “back to school” time or my birthday, but regardless of the reason, it is most definitely my favorite season, and a time to start anew.
These past three weeks, while I have been recovering from my car accident, have allowed me to reflect on all that is amazing in my life. It has also allowed me the displeasure of sinking far into the Dark Void. At first glance, it has been a huge drag. I can’t dance, can’t run, can’t party. What do I have left when I my body won’t let me frolic in free physicality? Everything else, of course. What, exactly, is everything else?
At first it didn’t look like much, but when I took a breath, was patient and allowed the universe to bestow its knowledge on me, I realized it was actually a whole other world that I had almost forgotten. It’s what’s in between. It’s the pauses in life, the breaths we hold onto when singing a song, a millisecond of complete silence inside of a piercing glance. There is as much, if not more, to appreciate, in these gaps.
I’m finally seeing the true gift of it, and, just in time for the turning of the leaves and, yes, the rain, I welcome this new season and change of heart.