Why is it so hard to say “I’m single?” It’s not a failing on my part nor a bad habit I am not strong enough to quit. So why is it that every time someone asks me if I’m married (yet) I get all red and shame faced? Would I rather be on the wrong side of a failed marriage? Would a better alternative be being trapped in a situation that thwarts happiness for either or both parties? No. So, why the taboo? Is it that the grass is always greener on the other side? I hear the laments of married people all the time. “I wish I were single again…” Is it that our parents and their generation are visibly (and audibly) appalled that we have chosen alternatives like a career or travel over settling down by the age of 25 and welcoming the role as a mother? Not that there’s anything necessarily wrong with having a family at a young age…It just is a custom I am not inclined to follow. I am a victim of the where-are-my-grandchildren guilt trip, and I know there are many more of you out there. Are we feeling that residual remorse over our parents’ collective disappointment? It makes me shudder to think of the hold they still have on us, even as we have blossomed into adult women with our own wills.
Ironically, this is probably the best time ever to be a single woman. We have grasped our freedom and run with it. Women don’t need husbands to purchase land, open a bank account, influence politics, or be a voice for them. There are so many wonderful role models who make us feel powerful—not pathetic—for choosing independence. Some of my personal inspirations include The Single Woman (http://thesinglewoman.net), a sassy opinionated lady whose tweets and columns make me smile every day, Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of the amazing book Simple Abundance (http://www.simpleabundance.com), and all of the bellydancers in my life who have inspired me to get to know my sensual femininity.
But…if you asked me if I felt independent when all of my friends and their significant others went away for a weekend and I wasn’t brave enough to go solo—I would say I felt nothing but crestfallen. It’s not fun when everyone has a “plus one” but you. I realize that I am “enough,” but it sure is fun to have double dates, couples weekends, etc.
I’m single. In some ways it’s great. In some ways, I will admit, it’s truly lonely. But what it does do for certain is give me time to pursue my other passions besides romance. I involve myself in bellydance classes and events, hiking the beautiful Pacific Northwest, reading fantastic books, people-watching weird Portlanders, constantly meeting new people and, of course, pursuing my passion of writing. I bet I could do all these things if I was in a relationship, but it would take a lot more juggling. So single ladies (and men!), remember your other passions when pondering your lack of romance in the bedroom. There will always be passion in your life, you just have to realize what passion truly means.