Passion on My Mind

15 Jul

Why is it so hard to say “I’m single?” It’s not a failing on my part nor a bad habit I am not strong enough to quit. So why is it that every time someone asks me if I’m married (yet) I get all red and shame faced? Would I rather be on the wrong side of a failed marriage? Would a better alternative be being trapped in a situation that thwarts happiness for either or both parties? No. So, why the taboo? Is it that the grass is always greener on the other side? I hear the laments of married people all the time. “I wish I were single again…” Is it that our parents and their generation are visibly (and audibly) appalled that we have chosen alternatives like a career or travel over settling down by the age of 25 and welcoming the role as a mother? Not that there’s anything necessarily wrong with having a family at a young age…It just is a custom I am not inclined to follow. I am a victim of the where-are-my-grandchildren guilt trip, and I know there are many more of you out there. Are we feeling that residual remorse over our parents’ collective disappointment? It makes me shudder to think of the hold they still have on us, even as we have blossomed into adult women with our own wills.

Ironically, this is probably the best time ever to be a single woman. We have grasped our freedom and run with it. Women don’t need husbands to purchase land, open a bank account, influence politics, or be a voice for them. There are so many wonderful role models who make us feel powerful—not pathetic—for choosing independence. Some of my personal inspirations include The Single Woman (http://thesinglewoman.net), a sassy opinionated lady whose tweets and columns make me smile every day, Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of the amazing book Simple Abundance (http://www.simpleabundance.com), and all of the bellydancers in my life who have inspired me to get to know my sensual femininity.

But…if you asked me if I felt independent when all of my friends and their significant others went away for a weekend and I wasn’t brave enough to go solo—I would say I felt nothing but crestfallen. It’s not fun when everyone has a “plus one” but you. I realize that I am “enough,” but it sure is fun to have double dates, couples weekends, etc.

I’m single. In some ways it’s great. In some ways, I will admit, it’s truly lonely. But what it does do for certain is give me time to pursue my other passions besides romance. I involve myself in bellydance classes and events, hiking the beautiful Pacific Northwest, reading fantastic books, people-watching weird Portlanders, constantly meeting new people and, of course, pursuing my passion of writing. I bet I could do all these things if I was in a relationship, but it would take a lot more juggling. So single ladies (and men!), remember your other passions when pondering your lack of romance in the bedroom. There will always be passion in your life, you just have to realize what passion truly means.

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5 Responses to “Passion on My Mind”

  1. Julie Meier July 15, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    I love reading your BLOG ~~ Keep it up! j

  2. Jeanette M. July 17, 2011 at 9:16 am #

    The wonderful truth (that you already know) is this: you ARE in a relationship…with yourself. It’s the one relationship that most people forget to nurture, especially once they get involved with someone else. The more you adore who you are and allow yourself to just be, the more you tell the Universe exactly how you wish to be treated – not just by an intimate partner, but everyone you draw into your life. As you continue to soothe those feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment when the opinions and behaviors of others rear their ugly head, you will strengthen your ability to remember that your unique life and self are perfect just as they are, right here and now (which is all there is anyway). The more you focus on that truth, that reality, the more it will show itself to you 🙂

    • beckydancer July 18, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

      Beautifully written, Jeanette! I agree with everything you say here, and would like to add that I am having so much fun “wooing” myself and not worrying about anyone else in that moment.

  3. saffronbelly July 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm #

    As for the embarassment- you super shouldn’t feel that. But I don’t know how to change that. Sometimes I feel embarassed that I’m married. (Nothing against my husband- he’s great.) Sometimes I feel like I caved on my thought that there was no reason that I needed to get married when there were other people who weren’t legally allowed to get married. It’s strange sometimes how it makes my life easier in ways I wouldn’t have thought of- and that makes me feel kind of icky.

    I always feel embarassed that I don’t have a car. Or that I don’t choose to partake in certain substances that others might consider part of the portland lifestyle. Or that I don’t swear. Logically, I know these aren’t things that should embarass me- but I can’t help it. I’m just different. And so are you, no matter what your “status” is. And that’s just life! We’re all awesome and unique.

    • beckydancer July 21, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

      I completely agree, saffron. Each person has their tender spots and sometimes, that won’t change. We have to get past that and appreciate our “awesome and unique” selves, as you said so well!

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